Artist Spotlight
Jennifer Beaulieu: I’d like to welcome Jessamy Barker; Alt/BDSM clothing/makeup model, clothing artist, and disability advocate/activist to Black Noise Magazine. Welcome, and thank you for doing this interview today.
Jessamy Barker: I'm honoured to have this opportunity to talk about interests and passions with you!
J: When did you first start to become interested in alternative and BDSM fashion?
JB: I'm a British immigrant to California, and I grew up in 80s/90s north of England. Think gothic novelists, bleak industrial landscapes, Leeds - one of the centres of goth culture, and a culture terrified of difference - whether in race, sexuality, gender or expression. I was always a little weirdo but it was largely bullied out of me until I left mandatory schooling at 16. That's when I made friends with other freaks and began to experiment with clothes and makeup
J: What influenced you to get into alt fashion and makeup in the beginning?
JB: Clubbing. From 16 onwards I was going out most weeks, often multiple times a week, to goth and metal clubs in my hometown of Bradford (no ID checks in them days). My friends and I would gather to get ready together and I learned from them. I absolutely fed off the different styles I saw around me, and that continues to this day. Soon I was also going to festivals like Whitby Gothic Weekend and getting an idea of what people could achieve when they spent months planning outfits.
J: What are the influences and inspirations you look to when designing and putting together your outfits? I recognized a few style influences, tell me if I’m at least on the right path. Your color scheme and makeup have touches of glam metal and Boy George. Your outfits are a fantastical mix of goth club kid, industrial style and BDSM; which can often overlap as much as they are separate.
JB: Eighties music and style absolutely. When I was 21 in 2002 I started going out with a woman twenty years older than me. We were in a polyamorous quad together. Lisa had a sensational style, and it inspired everyone around her. She inspired my motto “Never Knowingly Underdressed”. London clubbing in the 00s with the quad took me to fetish, industrial, goth and queer venues and I learned a lot about putting together an outfit on those scenes.
J: What is the creative process like when you’re designing and putting together your outfits? How much is bought-either new or thrifted, handmade, borrowed, gifted or recycled?
JB: I'm very much a curator. While occasional outfit elements are created by me it is much more common for me to buy: whether new or thrifted; handmade or mass produced. I'm a cherry picking magpie! If I weren't this disabled I'd love to make more, but I'm very much an occasional hot glue wizard.
The process almost always starts from one or two elements and builds from there, but occasionally I'll begin with a theme or a make-up idea. I'm currently planning my New Year outfit. That started with an incredible gold spider fascinator found in the sale section of the Carbickova Crowns Etsy shop. I've not done a gold look before and it's been fascinating to realise the wide range of colours that get lumped in under the heading ‘gold’. I've thrifted a few dresses that were too brown or too yellow. I wanted burnished metallic tones. I thought about footwear and neck accessories and gold liquid eyeliner. My favourite inspiration has been to wear black velvet Forest Ink bloomers with gold wallet chains. But I still need earrings!
J: To further the last question, how do you decide on your makeup looks for each outfit?
As a creative person myself; I know that if there is already a theme in place to design around, it definitely can make it easier.
JB: I'm entirely self taught and often feel I don't approach makeup up and costuming ‘properly’. No sketches, no dress rehearsal and generally only a very vague sense of what the makeup will look like. I make a list of outfit elements in my planner document as they occur to me.
Doing my makeup is like painting a picture. I keep adding to it as it goes and eventually it feels right and I stop. I'm honestly pretty amazed that it seems to come out so well!
I like themes - it's very satisfying to get your teeth into them. Halloween is my favourite time of year - I always do at least four big looks. This year that was Beetlejuice, Retro Space Goddex, Latex Butcher and Hot Pink Lightning.
J: What are your go to makeup pallets or makeup brands? How do you avoid skin staining, especially when using red and blue pigments as they are the worst offenders for skin staining?
JB: I love Lemonhead LA glitter, Face Lace (sadly they're closing) for unusual decorative stickers and Unicorn Skin Cosmetics for eyelashes. Otherwise I'm pretty wide ranging - I look for something to fulfill a need, rather than sticking to a few brands - partly that's due to moving from the UK to USA so the brands are different and I don't know them as well. I do have some palettes but prefer loose powder on the whole - Concrete Minerals are good for coverage. Honestly I've never had an issue with staining - maybe I'm just lucky there.
J: You use a lot of modifications in your looks, like the mohawk of butt plugs for instance. How did you find the best adhesive for holding heavier mods and decorations in place?
JB: “mohawk of butt plugs” Hahaha! I think I know what you mean - my Hailslither spiked headpiece. It's like a leather strapped cage around my head with the biggest available metal spikes in a line down the centre like the most punk mohawk ever. I adore it. Wore to Folsom Street Fair 2024. In that case the work is all done by the buckle straps, but I do love sticking things to my bald head. For gems and craft spikes I use Duo Eyelash Glue. For bigger elements, like glitter resin spikes, I have recently invested in some Telesis Silicone Adhesive but I've been so ill the last few months I've not been able to test run it.
J: I’d like to talk a bit about your chronic illness, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue syndrome(ME/CFS), and the advocacy and activism that grew from that. I myself completely understand your story, as I have been fighting for diagnosis of my own health issues for many years as well. So other people’s stories are important to me even if we don’t have the same medical problems, because it’s important information sharing. Learning about others' journeys or talking about your own, can help someone stuck in a medical mystery nightmare in many ways. From “Holy shit, what you have sounds like/is what I have!”, to learning how to ask the right questions, speak up and stand up for themselves when dealing with medical professionals.
JB: I completely agree. It's isolating and lonely to be sick, particularly if diagnosis is not forthcoming. The chronically ill and disabled community is vital.
J: I and many others know what mono is; In fact, it ran pretty rampant in the tech, girls catholic, and my high school one year. The “kissing disease” or the “drink sharing sickness” the kids called it. Can you tell our readers and I more about what ME/CFS is and how it starts with mono?
JB: Myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS) is a chronic, complex, neuroimmune disease. For many, fatigue is the defining symptom, but we also suffer from a range of other issues from chronic pain to brain fog. For example, I can't read books anymore. I can't drive or work or exercise. We don't understand MECFS at all well, but it is often triggered by a viral infection. In my case, that was obviously mono, or glandular fever as it's called in the UK - infection by the Epstein Barr virus. Because covid also triggers MECFS and we call the condition Long Covid, I've taken to calling my illness Long Mono. I first contracted it in 2012 and for eight years my illness was relapsing remitting so that I had periods of good health between crashes. Then in 2020 I crashed and I've been getting worse ever since. It now appears that I also have Hashimoto's disease and we're right at the start of medication for that.
J: Were you an alt model/clothing artist before ME/CFS or is it something that came about as you were less able to be physically active?
JB: There's a direct correlation between an increase in the level of fantastic I aim for in my looks, and me becoming more disabled. As I've become less visible due to becoming housebound, and often bed bound, I have compensated in my outfits. Because I'm so disabled it is increasingly difficult to apply makeup at all. On Christmas Day I did my makeup lying down. But the full drag days are only part of it - I try to put together clothes and accessories to wear daily too. If I can get dressed it tells me a lot about where my fatigue levels are. If I can't get dressed that tells me something too. I'm beyond waiting for special occasions - I don't know what I'll be able to do tomorrow so I dress for today.
J: Is blue the color for ME, or is it blue and black?
JB: It's blue. #goblueforMECFS
J: When did you start using clothing and makeup as part of your activism and advocacy?
JB: That's only really taken off in the last couple of years. I wrote an article about kink and disability last year https://fetlife.com/users/1670024/posts/10041486
And then for MECFS day on May 12th 2024 I set myself the goal of creating an outfit and accompanying social media content based on my experience. https://www.instagram.com/reel/C6xHQ5nv23V/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== Over 10k watched it just on Instagram.
J: Is the design process for outfits you’re going to use as part of ME/CFS activism the same as any other, or do you take special considerations?
JB: Broadly the same
J: How has your artistry with clothing and makeup helped you discover your true, most authentic self while navigating living life with a disabling chronic illness?
JB: Yes, very much so. One element of disability I've experienced is weight gain. Disordered eating had kept my weight low in my thirties but I still struggled constantly with body hatred. In my forties I absolutely love my body. I don't literally never have a negative thought about my appearance but shame about fat isn't a constant obsession and drain on emotional energy, which it used to be. It's like night and day. I credit this largely with seeing other fat people refusing to live by the rules society lays down for fat people and joyfully wearing whatever they like while doing what makes them happy. Gradually I've become that fat person I needed to see in the world, and similarly that disabled person. Most days someone tells me that seeing me wear pvc while fat and in a wheelchair has helped them to believe they can too.
J: What advice do you have for others living with a chronic illness and/or disability, who may feel as if they are limited by or even prevented from pursuing their artistic endeavors and unable to live truly authentic artistic lives?
JB: Follow content creators who are already doing it, and know that when you live authentically you help others to do so. Even at the extremes of illness and disability, art is created. I think of my friend Judith who made this video days before choosing euthanasia due to severe chronic illness:
https://youtu.be/idEJrhfI2Yg?si=9juOsNBbTvmWvjsn